The 6th week

It's been so busy I haven't had a single moment to sit down and write what's been going on. And there's been a lot going on. The day after my last blog (Thursday) I had an exam scheduled for work so that I could complete  a certification. While I was there I felt something (down there) and rushed to the bathroom. There was spotting and more than I had seen before. It was brown spotting. No red blood or cramps, which I heard is when you really should worry but of course, I was worried. I called my doctor's office and they said to come in that afternoon and get things checked out. Scott was in a conference downtown but wanted to go with me. I scheduled the appointment for 2:15. At that point it was only about 11:00. During the in between time I went to meet girlfriends for lunch at my old place of work. They were in a meeting so I was waiting and catching up with old co-workers. Then I felt it again and rushed to the bathroom and there was more. I left right away and called Scott. We decided to just drive to the doctor's right then and there. I was doing what I do best, worrying like a psycho. Reading shit on the internet. I would find ten posts that read that the same thing happened and it's normal and pregnancy was fine and then there would be that one that said they miscarried and I was convinced that would be me. I felt better as soon as I was with Scott, even though I could tell he was masking a little bit of fear as well. We headed over to the doctors. We were really excited to meet with him. We sat in the waiting room, I was calming down and feeling better. As we were waiting in the waiting room, one of my best friend couples called to tell me they just found out they were having a girl! So exciting and surprising, I swore they were having a boy. When I told them where we were, they were saying that they had the same exact thing happen to them and that the spotting was probably due to the implantation. I was continuing to mellow out. It's so easy for people who haven't experienced the same thing to tell you to relax and be more confident. It's a lot more helpful when someone who has gone through it can you identify with your real feelings and tell you their outcome. Shortly after we ended our phone call we met with the doctor. Dr. Biter was more than I expected. He was so sweet and sincere. He wanted to know all about us, how we met, what we did, how we felt about being parents. He had a little heart to heart with me about my worrying. Both of my parents died awhile ago and it tainted me to believe that death and disappointed will always be a part of my life, even in moments like this. He explained that his father died when he was 14 and what he's done to keep a healthy state of mind. He said he didn't want me concentrated on hcg levels and other medicals terms like that. He said he felt I should be educated but to leave the medical stuff up to the guy that went to med school. He encouraged us to focus more on our marriage, to talk about our childhoods and what we liked and didn't like, what we want to bring forward and what we want to leave behind. If you didn't read the previous blog on finding my OB then I'll let you know he's an advocate for natural childbirth. He told us that if we wanted epidurals and pitocin then any doctor will do but if I plan on having a natural childbirth then he can get he can get me through that. We did an ultra sound and the doctor said everything looked perfect. We even got our first pictures. Although there wasn't much to see, we could see a spot. It was elating! It really made us feel pregnant. Afterwards we went to the lab to do hcg level testing. He called that night to let me know my hcg levels were at 4,000 and that was a great place to be. We went back on Saturday to evaluate the rate at which the levels were growing. In less than 48 hours they were more than doubled! Whoooooo hooooo! My baby's growing!
It's so scary at this point. You're at a place where miscarriage is not unlikely to happen. You don't care if your baby is  just a "yolk" or an embryo or blastocyst. It's your baby and you become so proctective of him or her. You become a mom from the first day you find out you're pregnany and that begins a lifetime of worrying. Congratulations and welcome to mommy-hood.